Monday, February 23, 2009

GM Business Plan

Since GM needs so much help, I have a plan to get them profitable. First, they need to put all of those eliminated because of loss of sales back to work. So they can pay them to paint the factories and repave parking lots. Then they can get a few of them to replace their old, outdated natural gas power generation with new, efficient windmills. And since these will cause power reliability issues, they can put in new smart meters that shut production lines down when the wind doesn't blow.  It might hurt production at times, but think of all the money they'll save on energy.  Finally, to keep workers happy, they'll expand their health benefits, extend unemployment benefits for those who they can't re-hire, and give away their cheapest cars to the lowest level workers.

Of course, they'll have to borrow a lot of money to do all of this, and they're already pretty deep in debt, so they'll have a summit to discuss their profitability plan. In it, they'll promise to reduce losses by half in 4 years. They'll do this by 1) praying that sales recover somehow, 2) raising prices by 20% on Hummers, Cadillac SUVs, and Corvettes, and 3) eliminating any incentives available to their high volume fleet customers.

After all, this is the business plan that President Obama and his administration of the best and brightest has produced for the Federal government. It should work swimmingly.

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